My lab is contaminated!

I'm sick. I'm miserable sick. I HATE being sick. I got a cold just out of the blue today and I feel like my brain is a big pile of mush. I know, technically, it IS a big pile of mush, but that's beside the point.

Did I mention one of my lab-mates has shingles? He came in yesterday asking if the rest of us in lab had already gotten the chicken pox. Fortunately I got it when I was in 2nd grade. He says he feels fine other than the itching - I recommended he get some Calydryl.

Then there is the last of my lab-mates who has had the "South Bend cough." For a couple of months now, she's had this hacking cough. She sounds like she has bronchitis, but she only coughs every now and then.

It's awful! I think I'm gonna take some Nyquil and got to bed... after I watch America's Next Top Model tonight - it's the first episode of the season!!! :)

How does a year go by so quickly?

I still can't believe how fast time flies. It was only a year ago that I took Ray to the emergency room because of his stomach pains. Today exactly marks a year since Ray was put in ICU. It's been a year since I've spoken to Ray and he responded to me...

A year ago, I took Ray to the er because he was complaining of severe stomach pains. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis and we were told he'd be out of the hospital in a few days. He never got out. Nobody is really sure what happened that weekend, he just didn't get better. Unexpectedly, he went into cardiac arrest. Everyone was surprised, especially the doctors. When we were able to finally see him, he was in a coma and on life support. He spent 2 weeks in ICU and his body just shut down.

It's easy to think about all of our plans for the future. By this time, we would have been married. He was back in school. I was making pretty good money. Everything seemed to be working out and then... well, life happened I guess. I still miss Ray, his laughter, his sense of humor, and him just being there, and I hate the times that I still pull out my phone to call him.

What have I learned in the past year?

Well, I realized that I have some really good friends. Friends that without asking any questions traveled long distances to be there. Friends who would stay up to all hours of the night to listen to me when I felt so confused.

I learned that sometimes people actually do want to know the truth when they ask "Are you okay?"

I learned that prayer is an amazing thing, especially the peace that it can bring.

I learned that my "family" includes more than just my dad, my sister, and my brother.

I also learned that life goes on (how cheesy!).

Finally, and probably most importantly, I learned that I can plan my future all I want and somehow, it's still completely out of my hands.

Since then, I left San Antonio and came back to grad school. It just made the most sense to do. I'm back to working on my Ph.D., and I can't help but think that Ray would have been happy for me.

When I was thinking of leaving originally with my master's degree, I still remember telling Ray, "I can always go back to school if I really want the degree. But I can't turn back time, and then decide to be with you if something happens." I am so glad I made the right decision.

I know things will get better. I stay busy and try to stay positive. I have school keeping me busy and my dogs to make me laugh.

I'm starting to turn blue...

I've been holding my breath for quite some time now, trying to figure out if my scope is "fixed." After a week and a half of rebuilding, and a week checking it out, I think I can finally say that my scope is in working condition. I spent yesterday calibrating it, since images I was obtaining were coming out smeared, more so in one direction than the other. Imagine taffy. Anyway, temperature fluctuations seem to mess with my scope quite a bit more than before, so I have to be very careful how I do things now.

A couple of degrees can throw everything out of wack. How? It's only a couple of degrees! Okay, so picture this - you are trying to take a picture of a group of kids. They have all had a few cokes to drink along with a few bags of candy. Need I say more? You can tell them to "sit still" all you want, but with all that sugar, they have too much ENERGY and are just moving around and pushing each other and doing everything BUT sit still. That's how it works with my samples. I'm trying to take images very up close and a couple of degrees allows them enough ENERGY to make my images blurry.

I think I may have come up with a solution, sort of, and now I'm trying to finish up my final calibration. Hopefully, I'll be doing experiments again next week!

Yay!!!! :)

WHY?????

Classes have started up again and campus is bustling. There are undergrads everywhere! Since the first day of classes, I've had to ask myself, why? Why are the undergrad girls dressed like they are goig to a club? What sense is there in wearing a miniskirt (that hardly covers your rear standing up straight) when you know you have to take the stairs to class? Don't even get me started on the heels. 3 inch heels for walking across campus? Forget it! I LOVE running into the girls that are in jeans - that aren't skin tight. The tomboy girls in baggy clothes. The skinny girls in normal shirts that DON'T show their midrifts. What is wrong with that??? If only it were possible for grad students to have the power to send students back to their dorns to change and then burn the offending clothes? I would never get any work done... and no one would have any clothes left.