How does a year go by so quickly?

I still can't believe how fast time flies. It was only a year ago that I took Ray to the emergency room because of his stomach pains. Today exactly marks a year since Ray was put in ICU. It's been a year since I've spoken to Ray and he responded to me...

A year ago, I took Ray to the er because he was complaining of severe stomach pains. He was diagnosed with pancreatitis and we were told he'd be out of the hospital in a few days. He never got out. Nobody is really sure what happened that weekend, he just didn't get better. Unexpectedly, he went into cardiac arrest. Everyone was surprised, especially the doctors. When we were able to finally see him, he was in a coma and on life support. He spent 2 weeks in ICU and his body just shut down.

It's easy to think about all of our plans for the future. By this time, we would have been married. He was back in school. I was making pretty good money. Everything seemed to be working out and then... well, life happened I guess. I still miss Ray, his laughter, his sense of humor, and him just being there, and I hate the times that I still pull out my phone to call him.

What have I learned in the past year?

Well, I realized that I have some really good friends. Friends that without asking any questions traveled long distances to be there. Friends who would stay up to all hours of the night to listen to me when I felt so confused.

I learned that sometimes people actually do want to know the truth when they ask "Are you okay?"

I learned that prayer is an amazing thing, especially the peace that it can bring.

I learned that my "family" includes more than just my dad, my sister, and my brother.

I also learned that life goes on (how cheesy!).

Finally, and probably most importantly, I learned that I can plan my future all I want and somehow, it's still completely out of my hands.

Since then, I left San Antonio and came back to grad school. It just made the most sense to do. I'm back to working on my Ph.D., and I can't help but think that Ray would have been happy for me.

When I was thinking of leaving originally with my master's degree, I still remember telling Ray, "I can always go back to school if I really want the degree. But I can't turn back time, and then decide to be with you if something happens." I am so glad I made the right decision.

I know things will get better. I stay busy and try to stay positive. I have school keeping me busy and my dogs to make me laugh.